Can you hear me now?

        Over the past weeks I have been taking in a lot of good information about life. From things about fatherhood to how hip hop has affected it’s listeners in general. “Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.”(Buddha) Over this time this quote has directly related to what I’ve learned.

           
        As young men and women many of the things we heard growing up have affected us. These things are the cause for many of the problems that elders see within our generation. If you think about your life growing up and what type of music you listened to you will in some way get a sense of your current personality. You can also look at the things you heard growing up and relate them to what you currently believe in.

          
        Dr. Gregory Carr a professor at Howard University said “I feel bad for the young individual who’s going through their right of passage and has to hear … you can hear me fo you see me I got king kong in the trunk…king kong ki ki king ka king kong.” Little do we know it these songs directly influence what we will grow to deem as acceptable as adults. Older individuals had respect because they were taught this through music, books, and also in the household. Our current society however teaches us to rebel and although change is necessary it must be done in the most sensible of ways. The things that young men and women are taking in currently create a void in old values being passed to younger generation. The perfect example of this is “Make it Rain” by Travis Porter being sang at every chance. Although this song may be catchy the fact that women glorify these songs show how far we have come.

           
      My advice to my fellow young men and women is that we intake much more good than bad. I am not telling you to not listen to the current music; however, you must learn to respect your level of intellect by not feeding it garbage. Read empowering books, listen to the music that the artist today have copied. Many of the messages from old music have been “dumbed” down by new artist in an attempt to sell records. Your personal advancement in what you listen to will take you far in life. Although you will not see the immediate effects of these changes they will change your views while also broadening your knowledge. Remember that knowing everything about everything is the key to knowledge. How can you learn anything new if you listen to same things? Become an individual…

Why not 5?

   It has been a long time since I’ve sat down and written something for this blog. As I brained stormed of messages to spread one very important reoccurring theme began to replay over and over again in my head. Let me paint you a picture, imagine that you’re in a major that could get you anywhere from $30,000 to $65,000 dollars as a bottom level worker out of school. Your grades are above a 3.0 but there is something missing in your life. Extracurricular activity and I’m not talking about partying. I mean organizations, community service and activities that will keep you whole.

                This picture I painted for you is one that affects many individuals both on college campuses and can alter entire lives. Many people have a hunger to be “the man” but forget the idea that school is your main focus. Many people say “time management” but have not fully learned how to master time or use it efficiently.

                This in turn leads to a lot of 5th year seniors who wish they would have done something different on campus besides being active only in extracurricular. Many students do not mature as rapidly as others and in turn cannot be blamed solely for their misfortune. Others will argue that you are a grown man/woman so any decision you made is strictly your own and you must live with it.

                I wrote this with the intent to motivate you to put school first. Even if you have the money to go to school for 10 years I’m sure your parents would rather spend it on something more constructive.  The philosopher Albert Camus once said “Life is the sum of all your decisions.” When you decide to do anything in life make sure you weigh out who you are affecting and what you are affecting. Remember to put yourself first also, college is the time for YOU to worry about YOUR future. Be successful both on campus and after campus. 

Find A Mentor

     During a conversation with my fellow writer Von Cunningham we discussed the importance of a mentor. I know it's been a long time since Von or myself  has updated but we ourselves are attempting to grow as we teach.This should be exactly what you look for in a mentor. Someone who exemplifies hard-work and effort  although they have reached a certain status they realize that working hard is still important.

      There is a lot about life that no one will ever know but in your pursuit to learn everything you can while alive finding a mentor is one of the most important things. Nothing you are trying to do has no been contemplated or attempted. Your job in trying to accomplish your goals should be to find someone who has done what you have done or is somewhere you want to be.

        A mentor can open doors while also reaching you your faults. The overall goal of a mentor is to help you whether it be for personal gratification or as an investment. You will be able to feel out the difference based on your relationship with your mentor. 

       For men who grew up with no male role models a mentor is especially important in their growth. I found this out myself during my freshman year at Howard University. Although I was raised by my father until I was 14 (R.I.P. Dad) and my grandfather. I only learned their mental opinions towards life and not towards professionalism.
         Having multiple mentors is also a good idea because they can offer varying opinions on life situations as well as school decisions and work. To gain a mentor all you simply have to do is ask. It isn't as difficult as it may seem to get someone older than you to help you. Often times they want to more than you think.

        I do not condone following someones shadow but I also do not condone disrespect to a person who spent there time helping to mold you as a man. Know that one day your time will come to shine but it is not now. "We have arrived but we have not yet made it"-Michael Stewart Jr.

7 Steps to Success

1. Realize that you can do better then what you are doing now.
You should always be making moves, striving to do better then yesterday. NEVER stop changing, or diversifying yourself. always be striving for excellence

2. Remove yourself from the problem/person.
People stay in situations, or relationships because they feel that they can do any better then what they are doing now, but that is very far from the truth. in order to be better, you must remove yourself from the person, place, or thing that is hindering your success

3. Associate with LIKE MINDED people.
Too often we have friends, or associates who aren't on the same page as we are. That creates friction in our lives, we must learn to walk with like minded people, For the Christians on the board the bible even says so...

"How can two walk together except they agree!!!"

4. Always strive to be better.
Never settle for where you are at right now, you must have a mindset of i can do better then where i am now or you will end up in step 5

5. Don't fall into the comfort zone.
The comfort zone is our greatest enemy, because with comfort comes defeat. the quickest way to fail is to be comfortable in your current situation. So what if you are doing well, and? when people are comfortable the FEAR CHANGE, when you fear change you get complacent. always be un-comfortable!

6. Cut off dead branches.
How can a tree grow if its not pruned!!! the people, things in your life must go if they dont fall under step 3. In order to reach your full potential, dead branches have to go. Or you too may become a dead branch.

7. Its lonely at the top, but jam packed at the bottom.
People know this all too well, on your journey you will find that not everyone will walk with you to the top. Some will, others will walk but then quit, others will try to block your path. But to achieve true success you must internalize this very true statement. 

                                                                                                                   -Von C.

Me Time

           

     I chose the title for this blog after pondering life. You see people always talk about how life goes so quickly and to cherish it. One thing they forget to tell you is to you’re your time off as me time.

            One day on the shuttle at Howard University my friend said something to me that in a way affected my life principles. He said “You know Geoff theirs one thing people forget about life… They always talk about their goals but never remember to have fun.” You see life is a serious thing but at the same time you will never live it again.

            The very thing you are doing now will never be the same a second from now. My friend also compared life to a shuttle ride. We get on the shuttle worried about where were going but we never stop to look out the windows. You see those who stopped to think will always benefit.

            The most influential men to ever live in this world have learned this. Although they were focused on change they remembered to be alert and pay attention to the things around them. So in ending this post I want you to remember that being goal oriented is fine but without fun you will tire yourself out. Find your balance or look out the window every once in a while it’s your choice.

-Geoffrey Allison

Women: More Important than We Realize

Women really do rule the world.  They just haven't figured it out yet.  When they do, and they will, we're all in big big trouble. (“Doctor Leon,") Yesterday I was thinking to myself where would I be without my mother. The answer being I wouldn’t be here today. Men often take advantage of women in life and neglect the fact that women are the second biggest influences upon most of our lives after us.

On my journey to being a man the world taught me that women would hinder me more than help me in life. As I grow older I learn that women just as men as misguided by things such as the media and without them men are nothing. A lot of the things we did as men growing up associated directly with women. Getting good grades (to please mom), wanting all the new jordans (to please the girls), and playing sports (we loved it but we all know about groupies).

You see our mother is the first person we learn to love. Upon birth we cannot see and things are blurry but the first person to feed us is our mom. You learn to love women and care for them. The bible tells us that women come from man and to many men this is a sense of being above them.

I ask this again, “What would we be without women?” and to be honest I have no real answer to this. Just imagine this picture, No reproduction so the world would not have lasted this long, no one to nurture children, no reason to be “the man” because all you would surrounded by is other men.

Without my mother my purpose in life would not be as fulfilling. I was reading one of my twitter followers blogs (http://planetlover-treehugger.tumblr.com/) and in one of the posts she talked about a conversation she had with her dad. She basically spoke on how her father said that his job was to provide for her and that it was not her job to repay him. After reading this I thought to myself about my mother.

Personally my father died when I was 14 so I’ve been on my journey to manhood since then. She guided me through this and this was not something she had to do. As I get older I realize this and this pushes me to work harder.

You see women do not choose to be emotional creatures. Yet they know how to love and how to teach a man to endure. A big part of manhood is the women which you come from. Men learn many things from women that men cannot teach. So the next time you see your mother tell her you love her and that her influence on your life is just as important as any other. Don’t wait until mother’s day because one day she will be gone.

-Geoffrey Allison

What a Suit Tells People......The Importance of You

"A Man is defined by what he wears"


Whether you are heading in for a job interview, to church, or to a banquet a man should always be well dressed. Knowing what to wear is very important, and knowing how to wear it is just as vital. They key to a good suit is knowing your size and colors. Here are some key tips to wearing a suit properly.

1. Know your size: It is very important that you know your measurements when buying a suit.
The most important of those measurements is your chest. Those measurements typically range from 34-62 and most average sized males fall in the 40 range. You also need to know what length you need. Off the rack, the lengths will read short, regular, long, and extra long. You need to know this because you don’t want your jacket to be too short on your arms, or too long either. Typically these sizes are correlated to your height; shorter men will wear a short suit and taller guys will wear long or extra long suits. If your suit is custom made your tailor will be able to take those measurements and cut the perfect size.
The next most important measurement is your waist. This gives you the fitted look and reduces the bulk in your pants. Your inseam, which is measured from the top of your inner thigh to your ankle, is crucial as well. Pants should fall at the top of your ankles; you do not want a lot of extra material around your ankles as it looks too bulky and sometimes can get caught under your shoe causing your pants to get dirtier faster than normal or even rip.

2. Color: Stick to the basics. Grays, navy blues, blacks, olive greens, dark browns, tans/khakis, and off whites are acceptable, though the lighter colors should be saved for the warmer seasons, mainly spring and summer. Pinstripes are a good choice especially in the darker shades like charcoal gray and navy blue. The brighter colors like reds, purples, royal blues, are a no-no. They tend to make you look like a pimp, and you can definitely lose some credibility walking into anyone’s office or meeting wearing the brightest suit you can find.

3. Materials: Most suits are made of wool or khaki. When buying off-the-rack stick to that, 100% wool or khaki. Denim and silks are a DON’T. Period. You can also do linens but reserve those for the warmer seasons as well.

4. Styles: Right now two buttons are in. Three buttons are still acceptable but if you are trying to make a fashion statement, two buttons are the way to go.
Vent’s are in as well, you can go with either the side vent, which is two slits at the bottom of your jacket on the outside edge of your back, or you can go with the center vent which is self explanatory.
A new trend, or renaissance if you may, is the re-emergence of the double breasted suit which was popular during the days of the Harlem Renaissance. If you are looking to make a bold statement this is the way to go.
There is also the good old three piece suit which includes the jacket, pants, and vest. When wearing a three piece keep the jacket buttons to a minimum; two are adequate.
As far as pants are concerned you want to stick to the basics, nothing fancy. Go with a plain front, no cuffs. Pleats, which are those folds you see on the front of pants at the belt line, are passé. They were popular in the early 90’s and chances are our dad’s still love them. Cuffs were popular in the late 90’s and early 2000’s but are fading away.
5. Shirts: Knowing your size here is very important.
The two most important measurements here are you neck size and arm length. Your neck size is the distance around your neck, they start at 14 and are measured in halves all the way up to 22. Arm length is measured from the top of your shoulder to a point just ½ an inch below your wrist. These measurements range from 32 to 39.
When picking a color go with the simpler colors, usually white and pastels. Bolder colors like red, royal blue, and black, should be reserved for evening events. Also know what kind of collar you like. There are many different styles. You have the traditional, tab, button down, pin collar, and spread. The spread collar varies in size they are wider depending on what you are more comfortable with.

6. Tie: You can choose pretty much any kind of tie you like. Stay away from very flashy designs, they tend to make you look like an aspiring pimp  just like those bright suits mentioned before. Solid colors, stripes, and paisley are good choices. However, when wearing a striped shirt, stick to a non striped tie you don’t want lines going in different directions it can make you look too busy.
Knowing how to tie a tie is very important. There are several different types of knots; Windsor, half Windsor, four-in-hand, Prince Albert and small knots. Wider knots work better with spread collars. If you are really looking to make a splash you can do a bow-tie.
To learn how to tie any of these visit Brooks Brothers website; there you can find step by step directions on each knot.
7. Shoes: If you can find a good pair of wingtips you’re headed in the right direction. You can never go wrong with a good pair of wing tips. They were out of style for a while but they are certainly back. If you can’t find a pair of wing tips just a simple pointed dress shoe will do just fine. Square toes are not as fashionable as they were in the early 2000’s, so if you have a pair it is time for an upgrade. Wooden soles are also a preferred; it’s nice for people to hear you coming. As for colors stick to black and brown it is that simple.

8. Accessories: As far as accessories go you can add a pocket square, also known as a handkerchief to your suit. Also wear cufflinks, a tie clip or tie pin, suspenders (if need be), and of course a belt.
Your belt should always match your shoes. If you have no choice wear what you have but if you can match them up, it is a great asset.
Pocket squares are a nice addition. You can never go wrong with a plain white pocket square but to add a little more flare to your outfit you can match your pocket square to your tie. There are times when your pocket square and tie do not have to match but make sure you know what you’re doing, don’t do a tie and pocket square with two different colors and two different patterns.
Cuff links are strictly worn with French cuff shirts. Tie clips or tie pins are worn to keep your tie in place so if you take your jacket off and lean forward your tie does not fall in your food or drink. For cuff links, tie clips and tie pins, less is more. You do not want too many designs it can be distracting. So when in doubt, “KISS”, Keep it simple stupid.
So let’s recap

• Know your size
• Simple colors
• Know which style you prefer and which suits suit you best
• Wool, kaki and linen are the materials to stick with
• Two button double breasted and three pieces suits are in style
• Know your shirt size – neck and arms and which kind of collar you prefer
• Know how to tie a tie
• Pointed toe shoes in brown or black
• If you accessorize you have several options but keep it simple on each one

The most important thing is to be confident in what you are wearing; don’t slouch it doesn’t make the suit look good; and remember you wouldn’t have worn it if you didn’t think it suited you well, pun intended.

Examples:

The Power of an Adversary

Your true calling in life will always be revealed in times of great challenge. The real You hidden within you will always rise to a particular type of challenge, revealing to you who you truly are, as well as what problem you were put on this earth to help solve. Its when faced with your greatest opposition that the genius within you awakens.

My father used to say that adversity makes a boy into a man....We all face challenges and adversity. It's within an adversarial environment that the greatness within you comes to life. When you are so moved by a particular challenge that you cannot keep still about it, that is the challenge you must face. And I said MUST! You must, like David in the Bible, move confidently in the direction of the challenge you hear; relying on the superior force of spirit within yourself to overcome it. Behind that challenge awaits a great reward. A reward so great that you'll live off of it in some form or fashion for the rest of your life.

Mike Murdock says, when Evander Holyfield see's Mike Tyson coming, he doesn't grab his ear; he grabs his checkbook! No friend of Holyfield ever gave him the type of paycheck he got from fighting Tyson. Only a great enemy; an imposing adversary can do that for you. When ignorance is faced head on, it usually gives way to wisdom. Challenging man's greatest illnesses has given us amazing cures for the longevity of health. Trying to solve our greatest issues has given us our greatest discoveries.

What adversary stands in the way of where you're trying to go? Truly, Goliath was never a match for David. David had no real adversary. Goliath was just an inflated balloon, full of hot air. Only David could see him as he really was. That's why at the end of the day, he walked away with the girl, the wealth, and eventually the kingdom.

Handicap people are actually a lot better off than most normal people. They have the opportunity to rely on their true human power: the power of the spirit. We non-handicapped people rely too much on fleshly physical things. That's why we struggle to achieve worthwhile things in life, while many who are so-called handicapped accomplish the seeming impossible. All great things are born of the human spirit, in conjunction with the divine. Nothing great has ever come from flesh alone.

In actuality, its not the 'handicapped' who are actually always the handicapped. Most of the time, its us; the people with full use of their physical faculties, but little knowledge on how to use our inner faculties. Its us; the so-called whole and healthy ones, who have little appreciation for what we do have. We're the ones who can usually be found complaining about what we can't do; while somewhere not far is a person far more physically restricted than we are, who's busy doing that very thing we say can't be done.

Sometimes, I think God allowed handicaps to happen to us to illustrate where our true power lays. Here's a hint: it's not in our physical limbs. Neither is it found in our bank accounts. The truest, purest Source of your power is within you. by use of this power you can take hold of this world, and any physical handicap the worlds hands you, and reshape it into whatever you want it to be. That curse life handed you was given to you for you to shape it into a blessing. You are the master craftsman, the chief sculptor of the happenstances of your life. All adversity, all unfavorable conditions are really just the raw material of far greater blessings and benefits. But it takes your discerning eye and creative insight to see this for yourself.

Someone asked why does God allow bad things to happen to us, if He loves us so much? Maybe this question is best answered by looking at things from a different perspective. His relaxed hand of prevention could well be itself a blessing in disguise. Think about it: if God prevented everything bad from happening, would we ever discover our own powers to do amazing things?

If he never allowed others to do us harm, would we ever know the ability to forgive, or the power of healing and release it brings?
If He didn't allow sickness, could we ever know the pleasure of healing?
If He didn't allow the existence of ignorance, could we ever know the joy of discovering knowledge?

Troubles and trials serve to make us stronger and better. Its the immature child who gets angry when they don't get their way. The adult accepts that life is simply raw material for him/her to shape into whatever is desired or needed. That's the pioneering spirit. Using your adversities as tools for creating a new life.

We need the pioneering attitude towards life again.
                                                                                                                      -Von C.

Who am I as a Black Man?

 This post is dedicated to all of our readers of African Descent.

      During this past week myself and the co-owner of this blog Geoffrey Allison have been to various events. Banquets, Parties and Church. It seems like at each of these events we are posed with the question "Who am I as a Black Man?, and What am i going to do with that responsiblity and power?". See the "Media" has transformed the "Black Man" into a image of negativity and violence. This is far from the truth, you see us Black Men have been doing amazing things since the beginning of time. It's only recently that black men have been virtually transformed from the pillar or cornerstone of the African family.

The infamous "Corner" in every black neighborhood, known for its drugs, liquor stores and all kinds of illegal activities, used to be a place to share knowledge and ideas. The past 40 years have truly been devastating for our communities. I don't understand why drugs are so rampant in the black community. think about it if we can find a bomb overseas, or find a person in Iraq, why can't we find that drug dealer who is terrorizing our communities, why cant we find that gang member who is destroying the lives of our young brothers?.

You see that's what people don't want, They do not want black men to return to our natural place as Thinkers, as entrepreneurs or inventors. In my humble opinion,  it seems like Black men are only viewed as entertainment, as athletes, comedians or music artists. We need to get off of that mindset, we need to get back to being the inventors for humanity. If we can make Pyramids that have lasted for over 3,800 years, design the layout for Washington D.C. and invent, I know we can do much more than jump high, Run fast and hit hard.

As black men it is our responsibility to bring the family dynamic back to our communities. That doesn't just mean being a role model to your children, or relatives. But that means helping out the young man you see standing on the "Corner". That means going to a Inner-City school and telling them about how important a college education is. As a Black man you are one of the most powerful entities in the world because people fear you...Yes fear you. People of other races know that an educated black man has no equals, the only people that don't realize this is ourselves.

All the Black Men out there, If you are going to do something, Do it to the best of your abilities. That means if you are going to school, be the best student you can be. If you are a Janitor work to the best of your abilities. your not only doing it for yourself but you are representing your family, community and the black community as a whole.


And remember  this quote


"Everyday A Lion wakes up knowing it has to chase down the fastest gazelle and if it doesn't it will not survive and everyday a gazelle wakes up knowing it has to outrun the fastest lion in order to survive... Which are you the lion or the Gazelle? either way you should wake up everyday knowing you must live life to the fullest" -Zack Lemelle

                                                                                                                                         -Von C.

What Would You Do?

     What would you do? When you first read the question you start to ponder upon different situations. You’re probably thinking of different situations which I could probably be speaking about. Things such as relationships, sports, and overall life situations we lead you to ask the question to a friend “What would you do?” In most situations people would choose to do what was right or even what made them happy.

                A friend, supporter, and inspiring male by the name of Pendarvis sparked this question. On twitter @OGpenn tweeted “Sometimes you have to ask yourself: if u didn't have to worry about $, education, health, bills, ect...What would u do with your life?” This very question sparked a great debate in my mind and in turn speaks volumes on personal happiness. Upon hearing the question I asked many others “what would you do with your life?”

                The responses given varied some people said they would still go to school for the “love of knowledge”, while others said they would try something new every single day. I realized that one thing was common in all the responses that I received and that common factor was happiness. When each person answered they spoke upon how the thing they would choose to do would make them happy despite what others thought.

                Now I will ask you another question “Are you happy?” Most of us will answer this question yes because we as people do not like to show others our weakness, however, I will ask you again “Are you happy?” You see most of us choose to go to school only because we have to and our hearts are not into what we are doing. Many students in college have chosen majors only to make other people within their lives happy.

                In all honesty there is no way on earth that money, education, health, and bills will all disappear from our radar of importance. Regardless of this fact we must increase our self-happiness as people and individuals on earth. Although we are forced by society virtually to become successful or be nothing at all , we have to think of ourselves. On this earth although you have friends you must remember that no person or individual will make you happier than you can make yourself.

                Knowing that you are the only person that can make yourself completely happy, you must remember this one thing. Upon graduation from school or finishing your education or even in life period remember this; your happiness is all important. So to end this blog post I will ask you a new question “What would you do to make yourself happy?” Upon answering this question promise yourself that regardless of whom you choose to make happy in life that you will remember yourself. Neglecting personal happiness is a big problem within men and women today. In my own opinion it is the fastest way to cause personal depression. This being said at the end of the day remember that loving yourself is everything and loving everyone can sometimes mean nothing.

You Have To Create Your Own World To Live In

Recently I've had a conversation with a wise older gentleman. here is what he shared with me.

"You have to create your own world to live in". He elaborated:

When a man meets a woman, the typical thing that most dudes do is, they leave their world and move over into HER world. They leave their lives, and become a part of HER life. But thats out of order. The woman is supposed to leave HER world and come be a part of yours...not the other way around.

Your job as a man is to create a 'world'...a life for yourself...thats centered around YOU; what you like to do, your goals and ambitions. When you meet a woman, she should be willing to forsake her world, and her life, to come join up with yours. Any woman not willing to do so is simply not worthy of you.

Most dudes do the total opposite. They meet a female, and all of a sudden, they can't hang out with the boys no more. They don't do any of the things they use to do before this chick came along. They leave their home and move in with the chick and her kids. What they basically do is tell the female: "You are superior to me, and I willingly submit myself and happiness to you."

And a woman, no matter how cooperative she may be at the moment, she'll eventually lose interest and attraction for a man who ceases to be a challenging man. Women are looking for a Leader. And leaders lead...they don't follow. Stop following these women, and going along with their program...their agenda. Set you own agenda, and never deviate from it.

The gentleman then gave me this quote to follow.

"Becoming a man doesn't mean reaching a certain age, it means reaching a certain state of mind."

Im just going to end it on this note, Men stop following, it is time to be leaders again. start showing desirable qualities. Have goals, be true to yourself, have standards and most importantly create a world for yourself that others(ladies) will want to be a part of.


                                                                                                                                       - Von C.

Addressing A Woman's Emotional Needs- A Valentine's Day Special.

I've found that for a lot of people (including me), at times their PU (pickup) game is tight. But their relationship management skills suck bigtime. This article by Frank B Kermit (from the montreal lair) helps address womens emotional needs and makes hooking relationships that much easier.

Frank has several books on lulu.com and the one where he speaks about addressing womens emotional needs (there are 10 of them) 'Everything out of her mouth is a test' is the pick of the bunch. An excellent matrix-aware treatise on relationship management.

How and Why Women Test Men and About What...

Here it is: My Frank B Kermit Philosophy on Men, Women and Relationships and the definition of a test.
A TEST: is when a woman says or does something, specifically to evoke a reaction out of a man, whether verbal or action based. It is a SUB-CONSCIOUS mechanism that a woman uses to find out about what kind of man she is dealing with. It is the predictor and basis for all sexual attraction and love she will have for a man. Every test is designed to make her feel special (your lover) when a man passes it, or makes her feel un-special (thus turns her into your mother) if you fail it.


At least, that is how I see it.

During the process of my development, I went searching for one or two unifying themes to apply as a rule when I attempted to analyze relationships between men and women.

I came up with the following:

The Frank B Kermit theory:

1-Everything out of her mouth is a test (even when it is not, treat it as so anyways)
2-A woman can only fit into 1 OF 2 roles in any mans life. Mother or Lover.
3-She constantly tests you to see what role she should follow
4-Within each test is an emotional need being communicated
5-If you address the emotional need, you pass the test, she feels attracted to you, she gets to be your lover and you have sex
6-If you do not address the emotional need, you fail the test, she loses attraction to you, she is forced to assume the role of your mother and you do not get sex

and the final part to this:

7-A women always tests because her instinct to mother is stronger than her instincts for sex



I have identified 10 emotional-need categories, but for the purposes of this book, I will only list the category names here, and not a lengthy description of each.

The 10 Emotional Needs of a Woman

1-The protection of her most valuable asset: Her Reputation

2-Women want to FEEEEL a range of emotions. Do not try to make her happy, give her a full range from fury to ecstasy. This is a.k.a. her Drama Cookie

3-Cater to the little girl in her. Know the difference when to ignore her ramblings and when she needs you to give her a hug. Sometimes she just needs to be reassured like a little kid

4-Be dominant and take responsibility for leading the relationship. This includes making all the decisions, and taking 100% responsibility for the sex in the relationship. It all has to be the mans fault

5-She fears abandonment. This is part biological programming, as in the event she is left with a child, she needs to be sure that she will not be abandoned, and left alone to care for it. This covers her emotional need to feel secure.

6-Trust. The key here is if she can trust you to be honest with her; even if you know she will not like what you have to say. In a womans reality, she is used to people lying to her ALL THE TIME because of the way she looks, or they simply want something from her. If you are willing to piss her off with your honesty, you have demonstrated that she can trust you.

7-Her physical safety. A man must demonstrate that he is capable of protecting her physically from the threats of the outside world. This is to make her feel safe.

8-Women need to know you can handle her TRUE sexuality. She will only be as wonton with you as you demonstrate that you can handle it. She needs to explore her sexuality and let it be free with you as a Natural Woman.

9-Prove that you are desirable as mate.

10-Prove that you are not a homosexual. She knows every homosexual male friend she has that is not out of the closet yet. Could you be one too?


Regardless of what she tests you with, if you can spot one of these ten emotional needs in-between her words and you address that need by your communication and actions, you will pass the test, and she will by default feel attraction for you, and desire to be your lover.


I think what happens in most relationships is that a man attracts a woman as his lover, and over time, she becomes more like his mother to him, thus sacrificing her attraction to him. In my unscientific-based opinion, that is when the relationship starts to die.

That is my theory anyways. 


Feel free to comment. 

                                                                                                                                                 -Von C.

Valentine's Day- "Is it Really for Me?"

Valentines Day is coming up and I've noticed that many women are pressuring men into relationships or V-day dinner dates with them so they can get lots of attention or feel loved on this special super romantic day

To quote actor Ashton Kutcher:

““I hate Valentine’s Day. I think every day should be a day of romance”

I gotta admit, I almost fell victim until I saw a Valentine’s Day countdown on ESPN. This was the last straw, why must we submit to some consumer based holiday?

If you have watched any NBA game on any ESPN affiliated networks, you have noticed the increase in commercial for different jewelry companies such as Kay, Jared and JcPenny. It’s almost like they are pressuring men to buy “gifts” for no apparent reason at all.

This quote by Armand Salacrou sounds like he is describing Valentine's Day

““Economy is a way of spending money without getting any pleasure out of it”

Fellas if you are only shown love/respect  on valentine's day, then it is time to leave point blank period. Not only  as  a man, but as a person you should always demand respect. without respect you don't have anything. the same applies to ladies, if your man only shows you love on 3 days out of the year, why are you still with that person?

 To me V-day is not a special day anymore.  I feel no need to follow the trend of buying flowers, candy and/or waiting in long lines at a restaurant for a romantic dinner.

Before running out to the store and  buying those roses, build-a-bears, and other “sweet” things, ask yourself these questions “why am i doing this”, “what will this truly accomplish” and “does the girl truly deserve this”.

If you truthfully answer all of these questions you will come to the realization that you can A. spend your money more wisely, refocus on the task at hand (education or  improvement of one’s self) and will allow a man to reevaluate the woman or their relationship with the woman.

It’s good to show appreciation to those who are important to you, but you shouldn’t focus your appreciation during just one day.

I guarantee that you can find better uses for your money. For example, why don’t you just donate to Hati

If you are going to buy a girl a Valentine’s Day present please have a limit for spending. For example, if you have only known the girl for five months or less please don’t go over $10 dollars, especially if you are not in a relationship.

If you take the young lady out to a restaurant, there is a $50 limit. Anything higher enters Trick’n territory and Halloween has already passed.

 One last point i would like to leave all the young men with:

Why is it that you never see any commercials where a woman is purchasing a valentines day gift for a man?

How about we switch it up this year.

                                                                                                                        -Von C.

Are we an Army or are we really alone?

     Once upon a time as males we would embrace eachother. Pick eachother up when we were down, but now things have changed. Times have also changed. For those who do not read the bible or are not followers on a christ related religion Cain had a brother name Abel whom he murder over jealousy. Based on christian religion this is the first recorded murder. So you can say that the first "snake" was Cain.

      In these current times it seems like most brothers have lost sight of brotherhood. We always say "I have your back" but is this really true? The things that take place on a day to day basis are these really acts of brotherhood? Is brotherhood a codename for betrayal?
     Many acts of false brotherhood are beginning to take place. Power hungry individuals lose sight of their brotherhood values. It is okay to fight your brother,however, wouldn't you much rather fight for your brother?These are just a few questions for your mind to ponder on. I believe a brotherhood segment will be started on this blog

Negative is Positive

     Honestly my brothers and even my sisters. What is our immediate problem? Yesterday I observed so many things negative that were deemed positive that it disgusted me. Our generation has a serious problem with accepting things that are wrong and influencing others into doing them as acts of good. As a generation it seems we do not cherish knowledge. We feel that "unintelligence" is "excellence" and why is that? We cannot simply blame these facts on the media because America is a country in which you have the right to use your own free will .

     Why is it that knowledge becomes less important to us as we age? Our ancestors got wiser as time went on ,however, we act as if knowledge is almost pointless. Our generation would rather smoke and drink than read about the world.

      I honestly believe that our generation although making improvements in the world is taking millions of steps backwords rather than showing positivity. This post was very general but at the same time if you have friends that feel negative is positive are you really their friend? As a generation we should look to better everyone around us.

This is something that is bothering me so can you comment on why you believe that society and our generation feels negative is positive?

More Men Marrying Wealthier Women

Beagy Zielinski is a German-born 28-year-old stylist who moved to New York to study fashion in 1995 and stayed. Just before Christmas, she broke up with her blue-collar boyfriend, who repaired Navy ships.

“He was extremely insecure about my career and how successful I am,” Ms. Zielinski said.

An analysis of census data to be released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center found that she and countless women like her are victims of a role reversal that is profoundly affecting the pool of potential marriage partners.

“Men now are increasingly likely to marry wives with more education and income than they have, and the reverse is true for women,” said Paul Fucito, spokesman for the Pew Center. “In recent decades, with the rise of well-paid working wives, the economic gains of marriage have been a greater benefit for men.”

The analysis examines Americans 30 to 44 years old, the first generation in which more women than men have college degrees. Women’s earnings have been increasing faster than men’s since the 1970s.

“We’ve known for some time that men need marriage more than women from the standpoint of physical and mental well-being,” said Stephanie Coontz, a professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and research director for the Council on Contemporary Families, a research and advocacy group. “Now it is becoming increasingly important to their economic well-being as well.”

The education and income gap has grown even more in the latest recession, when men held about three in four of the jobs that were lost. The Census Bureau said Friday that among married couples with children, only the wife worked in 7 percent of the households last year, compared with 5 percent in 2007. The percentage rose to 12 percent from 9 percent for blacks, among whom the education and income gap by gender has typically been even greater.

“I’m not married, I would like to be married, and my friends are all in a similar situation,” said Dr. Rajalla Prewitt, a 38-year-old psychiatrist in New Jersey. “We’re having difficulty finding someone where there’s a meeting of the minds, where we can have the same goals and values.”

“Particularly, African-American men who are educated want a traditional home where they are the breadwinner,” said Dr. Prewitt, who is a black woman.

In 2007, the Pew report found, median household incomes of married men, married women and unmarried women were all about 60 percent higher than in 1970. But among unmarried men, median household income rose by only 16 percent. These days, men who marry typically gain another breadwinner.

In 1970, 28 percent of wives had husbands who were better educated, and 20 percent were married to men with less education. By 2007, the comparable figures were 19 percent and 28 percent. In 1970, 4 percent of husbands had wives who made more money; in 2007, 22 percent did.

College-educated wives are less likely to have a husband who is college-educated and in the highest income bracket than they were in 1970, and married women are less likely to have a husband who works.

“Among all married couples,” the report said, “wives contribute a growing share of the household income, and a rising share of those couples include a wife who earns more than her husband.”

While marriage rates have declined over all, women with college degrees are still more likely to marry today than less educated women.

But some women find that the dating pressures are intense. Syreeta McFadden, a 35-year-old Columbia and Sarah Lawrence graduate who is between jobs after working in real estate development, said: “With men of any ethnic group, it’s a little intimidating for them to encounter smart women. Money is tricky.

“But, I think for me, it comes down to compatibility,” Ms. McFadden said. “Can you grow with me? Or as my genius friend the textile designer says, she asks on first dates or meeting men in bars, ‘Do you have a passport and a library card?’ ”

Elaine Richardson, who is in her 50s, is divorced and owns a health care consulting firm in Westchester, said that men “call you high maintenance if you look like you don’t need anyone to take care of you.”

Professor Coontz at Evergreen State recalled that from the late 19th century through the 1940s, it was not uncommon for a woman to finish high school or go to college and marry a man who made more but was less educated.

“This changed in the 1950s to 1970, as financial returns to education really mounted for men, but not for women,” Professor Coontz said.

The latest shift, Professor Coontz said, “is truly a sea change in gender relations within marriage.”

“Many people have worried that men’s increasing dependence on their wives, especially if they are laid off, might lead to the kind of backlash against women workers that happened in the Great Depression,” Professor Coontz said. “But I think that wives’ work has become so normative that this is unlikely.”

Ms. Zielinski, the fashion stylist, said her best friend, a man, told her once: “ ‘You are confident, have good credit, own your own business, travel around the world and are self-sufficient. What man is going to want you?’ He laughed, but I found that pretty depressing.”


feel free to comment and discuss this topic

Are Black Men & Women Being Divided?

This has been on my mind for a while. It started with me wondering why there is such division between us as men and women. This division is evidenced by the steadily dropping marriage rate, a seemingly across the board change in the way our women view us, and in every facet of the media. It really seems as though the establishment controlled media is actively driving a wedge between us. On television there are already only a few of us but happily married, positive, monogamous couples are nonexistent. Black men are usually portrayed as clownish or resource draining dogs that should be avoided and the so-called reality portrayals are blatantly limited to the negativity seen on the news and talk shows like Maury Povich and Oprah while black women are often shown to prosper independently. That sends a message to women.

The second biggest media culprit has to be radio. It is well known that every radio station has approved play lists. For a while I was under the impression that there was just no diverse music coming out. I was happy to find out that good and diverse music is still out there but disheartened to learn that the artists making this music get no airplay. Why not? Why are all the female anthems out so negative? Pushing us “To The Left” and, outside of the occasional rarity like Keyshia Cole’s Love for example, the only songs showing us love refer to our women wanting thugs like Fantasia’s Hood Boy and Sunshine Anderson’s I’m In Love With A Thug. That’s a message, influence, mind control, and subversive social reprogramming.



Ladies and Gentlemen why are we being divided?
please leave insightful comments on this very serious issue.

Bruised ego?

1. Point out the gut. Most guys, especially American men, worry about their guts. It's the most repulsive part of a guy's body other than the testicles. Drawing any amount of attention to the gut for any reason is bound to make a guy a bit self-conscious.
2. Insult his job. Even if a guy downplays his job, he's probably at least a little proud of what he does, or at the very least he doesn't appreciate being mocked for it. Bringing up the parts of a job that a guy hates or subtly implying that he's not important can be humbling and insulting. Awesome, right?!
3. Compare him to an athlete. No guy really wins in this type of comparison. "Wow, I wonder whether you could even catch one of Zambrano's pitches!" Casually saying something like that can be enough to get a guy to turn off the game and go straight to the gym.
4. Compare him to a musician. Likewise, guys will be pretty humiliated when their faults are summed up in comparison to Bon Jovi or Mick Jagger (especially Bon Jovi, since Bon Jovi sucks).
5. Compare him to his father. This one's pretty low. Whether a guy likes or hates his father, he certainly doesn't want to be compared to the hairy old bastard. Just call us Oedipus, I suppose.


6. Buy him big clothes. Mothers are famous for this one -- they'll buy their sons clothes that are just large enough to be insulting. Whether or not a guy has a fat complex, this is enough to have him ordering a Bowflex in about five minutes.


7. Compliment someone he hates. Lots of guys can be vindictive, and most have at least one sworn enemy (like superheroes, we like to think). A simple compliment directed toward that enemy is like kryptonite (except it causes less "death" and more "pathetic moping").


8. Treat him like he's poor. Offer to pay for dinner, movies, and everything else all the time, with subtle comments like, "Oh, you'll get the next one after your paycheck comes in." Of course, this can backfire if you're with a guy that doesn't really care how much money he makes.

9. Laugh during sex. It doesn't matter what you laugh about -- if you laugh during sex, we'll take it badly. We'll assume it means that there's something wrong with us. Are our bodies funny to you? Funny like a clown? HOW ARE THEY FUNNY?

Above are 9 things that a CNN writer by the name of Phil Dotree believes will bruise a mans ego. I personally believe as a man your ego should't be bruised because throughout life you will face adversity. You have to learn how to take adversity and make the best of it.

Read the 9 things above and comment with your opinions

Dwyane Johnson aka The Rock: The Sad Reality

    When i was younger, I used to watch WWE wrestling i was a huge fan of  the Rock - The most electrifying man in show business. This guy had the charisma that so few lack nowadays in almost everything on television. He carried wrestling throughout the early 2000's before is suffered a massive decline, which is even worse now since the mysterious deaths of many wrestlers and the association with steroid usage.

After he decided to leave wrestling and pursue a hollywood career, I was highly disappointed. When he first started, he did movies that stayed through to his image. He played a warrior king, a bounty hunter, a tough sheriff, a football coach etc. Then a couple years ago he started acting in Disney movies, which brings us to his latest role as the Tooth Fairy.

Granted this might just be a phase, and he might come back once again and remind us of how tough he is and all, but to be honest it is a sad reality of the times we live in. People admire men, who play roles that feminize them, on and off the Television Screen. I mean this is a wrestler, a former football player, who is playing a tooth fairy in a movie, this is not as funny as a lot of people think.

Dudes are wearing skinny jeans, carrying purses, and will soon will be wearing skirts (All it takes is one rapper!) I was at Target today, and I was walking around in the book section, and I came to the Realization that 90% of the books were written either by or for women. We are so caught up with the glorification of women that we have literally downgraded ourselves. And what has this lead to: According to Time Magazine, women that are more dissatisfied and unhappy than they have ever been. Even Feminist are complaining about how easily they are dominating men. No wonder simps are singing songs like Trick'n.

  The only visual of a man today is a chiseled body who is overtly emotional, or one that will sit with his girl and watch the notebook.

I just hope that we as man can do better in the near future